I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
