I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize