I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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