at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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