I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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