So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
