I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
