i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
