then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
