Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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