I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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