I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
