Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
