nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
