standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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