I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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