he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
