I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
