Say something about gay babies.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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