and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
