Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
MIDGETS
????
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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