and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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