If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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