I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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