i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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