I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
