put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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