I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize