just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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