I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
