It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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