If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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