Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
