Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
