Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize