hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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