plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
