So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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