omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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