did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
