Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
