I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
