I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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