I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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