They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
