That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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