WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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