Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
