Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
