im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
