I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My vagina just recognized that song.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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