My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize