I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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