At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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