I could make wine with my vomit
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We left the knife in your bed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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