I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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