wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
