i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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