God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
