i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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