he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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