i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
