i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
